Anna get a grip

So someone has leaked out my blog. This blog. My thing which keeps me sane. Great.

I had no idea until this morning. When everyone was phoning me or texting me offering me support. On what? Eh? 'what you on about' i replied. Only to be shocked with the news everyone knew. Everyone had found out about my thing.

So i have some explaining to do, obviously.

Its right. The crack which is around every group chat and whatsapp group is true. I got myself in a sitaution where ibwas so scared to even tell my mam. What you dont know is that, on the night. On the most vilest night of my life. I walkes down to the shore and cried for 6 hours. I sent a single text out to kieran saying 'be good, ill love you forever. Do us proud.' he replied begging me to stop. Stop what? Living or attempting to die? Because thats what i wanted to do. Die. He rang my bestfriend and the rest was a blur. I woke up at carlisle hospital with tubes everywhere and two faces looking at me.

At that point, i realised that the most important person in my life was me.

So today, as in the 31st march 2015 im going to throw out everything. My test. My whole life for them weeks. 2014 was the worst year. I really dont know how i coped. Or even survived.

So if you see me, dont come up to me and tell me your sorry. Dont tell me youll be there for me because how many of you were there for me when i needed you? How many of you replied when i said i needed a word? Do not tell me you understand because you dont. You simply dont know. You dont know how much kieran has fucked up my life. How much he controls it without evrn knowing. He has no clue how much he has messed me up. Do you understand now?

I left school and entered a world of work where i really fucking needed friends. I needed support and i needed someone to be strong for me. I stopped being strong on that night. I didn't see a reason for me to be strong anymore. I was single, depressed and ready to die. So how Can you understand?

You lot can blame kieran, you can say he was the worst person ever but you know whos the worst person ever? You. It was kieran who i phoned at 4 am telling him how i felt and i couldnt sleep. It was him who used to text me every night to make sure i was alive. It was him who i keep alive for. How dare you say hes a bad personwhen he has never said anything about you. He never called zoe when she upset me. She never called lisa when she left me and she never called jade when she told me this whole thing was for attention. Never has he spoke nasty about any of you. But you think its okay?

This isnt okay. So carry on speaking about me but if this is the gad damn world we live in. God may have mercy.