I had an abortion and I'm not scared anymore.

I'm sat here with tears streaming down my face because in two weeks time it's my due date. My due date which will never come and I chose that to happen. I chose to do that.

I was in a relationship with a guy who I loved and still love. I had to ask myself was I ready to bring another life into this world when we were kids? I don't regret falling pregnant with him, because maybe if we were older and wiser and a little bit more in love, maybe it would have worked. Maybe it would have all planned out and I would have had a baby bump.

But it didn't.

I was never ready, I was never ready to tell Lisa of all people. I broke down, told her everything and made sure that she knew it was the right thing for me. Even when I wasn't sure. I was going through all of this and I was still worrying about others.

I sometimes forget and rub my belly or I look at baby clothes. Pick out names and arrange god parents for a child that will never be born.

I had an abortion and I'm not scared anymore. I'm not scared because I done the most selfish thing I could have done, but I done it for the baby. Not me or Kieran or anyone else. Imagine it's life, no baby would have changed me and Kieran and he would still speak to her. It would have separate homes and separate families which have never met.

People will ask why I got pregnant if I couldn't handle it and I get it, judge me all you want. But, deep down I thought it would fix things. I thought it would have things better and for things to be perfect again. I never tricked him into it, I told him my intentions and why I wanted it.nit was very much a planned occurance. Just one which turned out to be.. Unwanted. No, not unwanted but unwanted at this time. If I could some how freeze that baby and re implant it when I'm older, wiser and stronger I would have. But I can't.

I'm anna and I had an abortion at 17. And I cried because I was in pain and I cried because I knew it was over. It was over between me and Kieran and it was over between me and my abortion baby.

And people will judge me because of what happened with T, i couldnt do it. im sat here, in a hospital bed and i feel shit. i done what was bes for me, im not ready to have a baby, not with kieran... ever with kieran. so judge me, because ive heard it all before.

He told me he never cared, that all I was, was a pair of boobs and basically a sex doll. Yet I still love him. I love him because he makes me feel half full instead of half empty. Something which you and me will never understand.

I'm not scared of my demons anymore, they don't come and find me. I'm not scared that I won't be accepted when I have a baby because I know I will. More of all, I'm not scared that I failed as a person and as a daughter. If anything I have succeeded.