Okay, I'm really back!

So I may have lied last time and said I was back, when really I wasn't. I've had exams, christenings, hair appointments and lots of crazy stuff. But I'm back with lots of gossip!

Exams
Lots of people have been asking me how I cope and the truth is, I don't. I really crumble under pressure and I'm my own worst enemy. I try and use breathing techniques but they seem stupid. I just get on with it, I have no choice.

Nails
As you all know, I love nails! I have hundreds of polishes, and I like nothing better than doing my nails. As it's half term, I've currently got on acrylic nail forms with a mix glitter top coat. They are really impractical but I loveeee them!

Just a short one today, I will get back into this I WILL

Mwah
Xxx

I'm back guys!!

I havnt wrote on here for a while and I feel slightly guilty. I've been thinking (oh god) because I feel lost in who I am. Sounds very hippy I know but it's true. I need to find out who Anna is, what does she do and what is her future.

I've been looking at names, you know names of people that pop out. I looked at a name today and it felt like I've knew the name for ages. It was a bad feeling because I knew that name wasn't what I wanted. I knew I had to change.

Change. I'm leaving school on Friday and not gonna lie I'm fucking scared. I don't want to leave, I don't. Making my leavers presents makes everything so much more real. The Anna people love is the Anna people know.

On the other hand, exams have made me have stupid.nails with no polish on so I'm realllyyy not happy!

Mwah
X

Yep, I'm leaving school

If you can't already realise, I'm leaving school. In 8 days, in 8 days I will only have to come in for some lessons and then I get to go home at break on Fridays! I'm excited, or should I say I'm exited for prom. I just want people to see me all done up! And not sitting with a drunk person!!

Closer to the time (or when I'm at home more) I'll be doing some nail tutorials on my you tube account and maybe some really easy hair styles. Please remember I hate hair, so if I can do it you can too!

Mwah
X

Exams start, Anna's life stops

So I had two exams today. First one (fingers crossed it went okay). It was biology and I was dreading it, hopefully I would have done good and I won't fail. Then we have geography. Ew. Come on ocr what are you thinking?? We are not thick, so don't make us think we are.

Exams stress me out, I get really figity and people get annoyed at me. WELL SORRY SO ACTUALLY BEING NERVOUS BECAUSE WOW, THATS SOOOOO BAD!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME WHILE I GIVE YOU A MIDDLE FINGER WHILE CALLING U A BITCH.

I find out when I leave tomorrow, exciting
Mwah
X

They call me Nanna for a reason.

The title sounds abit stupid but it's about what is says it's about. I get called Nanna all the time and today proved it.

Sometimes I worry about people more than I should, and then I stop worrying about myself. I start having sleepless nights and my anxiety goes into over drive. Today was hollie and geography and yesterday was Dionne and revision. I panic about hollie allll of the time! She really doesn't even realise how worried I am about her. I'm super excited for college with her, she's gonna do good. And Dionne, well I worry about her too. She's beautiful and boys know it.

I worry about everyone, and I have a bag what contains everything you may need. I elaborate "everything". I know I need to stop panicking but it's really easier said than done.

Nannas always going to be here, no matter what
Mwah
X

The tummy feeling

Do you ever get a sort of "feeling" in your belly when something happens? And you feel sick but sort of excited? It's a side effect of my anxiety, I normally get them throughout the day but I try and block them out. Its easier. But I sometimes get really big ones what are quite painful, it's like my body knows something is wrong. Normally there isn't or the "wrong" is something silly, I have to calm myself down by distracting my body. The reason why I'm doing this blog. I've got this feeling because of a snapchat. How stupid. I'm shaking and I'm.so scared to even open it.

Do I or don't i?

Mwah
X

Picture and and leaving school

So I'm getting to that age where I'm leaving school, leaving my friends.and setting off on a new adventure. Its really just hit me now that..this is it, I've completed school and that's scary. All I've never knew is school and now I'm going to be alone. Fingers crossed I get into college and I'll have hollie.

My leavers photos were today and I was more angry than sad, I noticed how much I've actually isolated myself from different people. But, I can't change it now- it's too late! Proms really soon, talking about this is more detail in my book

Just a short one today
Mwah
x

NEW NAIL DAY!!

So as promised!! Today is new nail day and I am VERRYYY excited! The weather at workington is...dry, but that's it. I'm thinking maybe some springing, some marble, some glitter, flowers?? All I do know is they are going to be amazing!

So, people often ask how I prep my nails and how I manage to keep the colour on so long. Firstly, I go over my nail bed will a polish remover and take off any unwanted previous colour (this step is vital because your new colour will lift if placed on top of old). I then push my cubicles back and dehydrate my nail bed (this makes everything form better). The next step I sometimes miss out depending if I know how long I'm going to have the colour on (4 hours to 3 weeks). But anyways I put a primer on nail, in use a pen one but any will do (the stronger smell, the better). After this I put on my base coat and TADAAA!

Its my leavers photo tomorrow and I'm not going to lie, I'm slightly unprepared for all the straightening, curling, plastering make up, teasing, endless coats of mascara. Just gotta do what I need to do I guess.

Mwah
X

Teens verse world

Teenagers. We all were one. Some of us are still one. We scare old people and Rob banks, we wear hoodies and drink in bus stations. We are known for asbos, we are known for spitting on streets. Teenagers, what wonderful creatures.

But the thing is, you, you people reading this shaking your head and tutting to Jimmy at in his chair, were once all of them things. But we aren't all like that and I think it's wrong. I don't spit, I don't have a asbo and as far as I know I don't scare old people and I certainly do not wear hoodies so why do we all get tarnished with the same brush? How unfair is that?

I, Anna Taylor, 16 and 8 months don't do them things because I was brought up in a... nice, clean, solid family. I was taught what was right and wrong and how to act in public. Some parents fail at this. The older generations fail to recognise that I'm also scared of my generation and that I wish they would pull their pants up. Unfortunately you nagging at betty and bingo isn't going to help the situation. All it's doing is pissing is teens of even more.

I wish everyone would be polite and say hello and thank you and I wish everyone would get on and be nice but I also wish for a lot of other things, doesn't mean they can come true. Its unfair that because a small majority of people have some things what are "wrong in the name of society" doesn't mean we all are horrible. By saying this doesn't it make society wrong, don't we need to ask ourselves why we do what we do?

Teenagers will always be kids, it's what we do. Don't expect us to be adults and treat us like children. All we ask for is just some leeway, is it that hard?

Mwah
X

Just gonna say it

There's a few things what need to be mentioned in this post. Most of them I talk about in my videos but I feel you guys are missing out on parts of my life. By reading this post I hope you can understand my posts more and that my twining is related to a certain topic.

The thing I talk about the most right now is boys. Most of you know who he is and the current situation (my other recent blog post will tell all). I havnt been happy and 100 per cent sure what I wanted out of him. The fact that I wasn't happy and he wasn't making me happy was causing a major concern for me. He used to make me happy, He used to make me feel special and wanted but now I feel paranoid and ashamed. You shouldn't be ashamed of someone you love. But I don't love him. I really don't, I might talk about him most of the time and become shy when people talk about him but I don't love him. I think, deep down I know I'm the problem. No wait. My anxiety is my problem, the problem. It seems like I freeze when he says certain things but I can't explain it to him. I can't say to him "I feel suicidal" Because he'd freak and run.

Still talking about boys.. it's been 5 months for talking to this boy. 5 whole months of my life I've spent smiling at my snapchat when is pops up. But it hasn't been all smiles, trust me. At first I didn't really know if I should speak to him. I didn't really know if I was allowed. Sounds stupid eh? But I wasn't sure if Zoe would be okay with the situation..she wasn't. I had to choose between a boy and my friend. It was the hardest decision ever because normally none of my friends like the boys I pick, but he was special. This thing as I call it has made me the person I am..good and bad.

Just another rant

I don't normally post two things a day but this 'thing' is really starting to bother me.

Do you know how shit it feel and how much it sucks to be speaking to someone for 5 months to nothing? Like over night they decide I'm not good enough for them and they just cut me out. No body will ever know how much gut it took me to finally have the fucking guts to speak to him back. No body knows how much I've cried and cried because I didn't want to loose my "friend". I didn't want to be that girl who gets used by the popular kid. I didn't want that. But hey, look at it!

Every night I just pray that it will go okay, every night I worry myself to sleep because I don't want a bad name. Every day at school I get so paranoid that people are watching and talking about me that I make myself have a panic attack. No one even knows, because they don't ask. They see my smile and think everything is okay when what does "okay" even mean? People say okay all of the time but do we say it to shut people up or actually are we okay? Because you know, people use the word "k" when they are pissed off so they aren't "okay" okay?

I don't even know what this is but I'm so angry and disappointed in myself, I promised myself I would just be happy for a week to see what it felt like, no sad comments or thoughts. Happiness. I was so fucking close! You know how shit that feels? Of course you don't! How could I have possibly guessed you could have?

Can you tell I'm pissed off? Get used to it.

I need the balls to tell him. Now.

Mwah x

Friday....ITS FINALLY CAME!

Friday. The only day what can make a stripper teenager do a half face smile. The only day what sounds some what appetizing.

All I've heard about today is party, party, someone called Josh who's having a party, when's the next party, I'm having a party. It seems the whole teenage life revolves around parties and getting drunk. When you were little you used to actually dance at a party (normally cha cha slide or Saturday nights. When we got older drink became the song). Now all we do it sit and drink and normally bitch about someone who's in the kitchen, then be friends with them when they finally emerge. It's not that I don't like parties, I do. I just don't like the preparation for a party.

Usually, on the rare occasion I get invited to one I spend most of my time searching the internet for a dress I'll only wear once (I seem to have this fear of wearing an outfit more than once), washing my extensions and styling them (I won't wear them, I never do but I always do this just incase in the rare occasion I do). It takes hours if not days to get ready for what?6 hours of drunken antics. It's horrible but us teen love it.

If I could offer some friendly advice to my 12 year old self. Don't do parties until YOU feel YOU are Ready for one massive hangover and probably lots of visits to the bathroom and maybe a night beside the toilet. Just stop panicking, you will get invited just don't push for it. Chill out!

Party, Party, Party
I hate you.
Mwah x