There's a few things what need to be mentioned in this post. Most of them I talk about in my videos but I feel you guys are missing out on parts of my life. By reading this post I hope you can understand my posts more and that my twining is related to a certain topic.
The thing I talk about the most right now is boys. Most of you know who he is and the current situation (my other recent blog post will tell all). I havnt been happy and 100 per cent sure what I wanted out of him. The fact that I wasn't happy and he wasn't making me happy was causing a major concern for me. He used to make me happy, He used to make me feel special and wanted but now I feel paranoid and ashamed. You shouldn't be ashamed of someone you love. But I don't love him. I really don't, I might talk about him most of the time and become shy when people talk about him but I don't love him. I think, deep down I know I'm the problem. No wait. My anxiety is my problem, the problem. It seems like I freeze when he says certain things but I can't explain it to him. I can't say to him "I feel suicidal" Because he'd freak and run.
Still talking about boys.. it's been 5 months for talking to this boy. 5 whole months of my life I've spent smiling at my snapchat when is pops up. But it hasn't been all smiles, trust me. At first I didn't really know if I should speak to him. I didn't really know if I was allowed. Sounds stupid eh? But I wasn't sure if Zoe would be okay with the situation..she wasn't. I had to choose between a boy and my friend. It was the hardest decision ever because normally none of my friends like the boys I pick, but he was special. This thing as I call it has made me the person I am..good and bad.
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