Just another rant

I don't normally post two things a day but this 'thing' is really starting to bother me.

Do you know how shit it feel and how much it sucks to be speaking to someone for 5 months to nothing? Like over night they decide I'm not good enough for them and they just cut me out. No body will ever know how much gut it took me to finally have the fucking guts to speak to him back. No body knows how much I've cried and cried because I didn't want to loose my "friend". I didn't want to be that girl who gets used by the popular kid. I didn't want that. But hey, look at it!

Every night I just pray that it will go okay, every night I worry myself to sleep because I don't want a bad name. Every day at school I get so paranoid that people are watching and talking about me that I make myself have a panic attack. No one even knows, because they don't ask. They see my smile and think everything is okay when what does "okay" even mean? People say okay all of the time but do we say it to shut people up or actually are we okay? Because you know, people use the word "k" when they are pissed off so they aren't "okay" okay?

I don't even know what this is but I'm so angry and disappointed in myself, I promised myself I would just be happy for a week to see what it felt like, no sad comments or thoughts. Happiness. I was so fucking close! You know how shit that feels? Of course you don't! How could I have possibly guessed you could have?

Can you tell I'm pissed off? Get used to it.

I need the balls to tell him. Now.

Mwah x