Finding myself

Today i had councilling and i never planned on telling anyone anything whag was said but i think its a good idea.

At the age of 12 my dad got himself into a relationship what broks my family. Emotionally and physically broke us. I never relaised how effected i was until now.

I panic. I love being in control but i panic. I suppose her way towards my dad has inflicted pain on me. I was abused. I was mentally abused and that hurts me so so much becauss i hate that im never going to have a childhood again.

I dont have fun. I never have fun. Im too old to have fun like everyone else. Im so sorry if i dont laugh at your jokes or that im not like everyone else at parties. You have to understand that my way of life is no way normal and that i wouldn't wish this way of life on anyone. You know charlottes party? I got that drunk to try and numb the pain. Zoes garden party i got that drunk so i wasnt so nervous infront of everyone. I hate getting drunk, i hate alcohol and most importantly i hate drunk anna. Whats quite sad really becauss i also hate sober anna.

I might look fine, even talk fine but im far from fine. Please just ask.

Mwah

X x x