update

i feel like i should do a intro, but this is my space and i can do what i want. so ignore the lack of capital letters.

i havnt wrote on here for a while, months in fact. i have been so busy with my other blog i have forgot to blog about me. anna.

so whats happened? i could lie and come up with loads of stories, but relaistically, naff all. i fell out with kieran, well we didnt fall out. he just stopped. in my last posts i went on about that the spark had went. i was just like a chore instead of something i enjoyed doing. if you can class as sending nudes 7 days a week as enjoyable. we didnt say anything, i think we just both relaised we didnt have that connection anymore. i mean, i would always go back. always. as much as he pisses me off with the 'i wanna shag u' shit. i porbably havnt gotten over him. and if he is anything like the luke hold effect, i will probably be still loving him when i get married.

so i didnt get inot gen 2. i told my dad i did, maybe he would be proud of me. yes i lied but i wanted a reaction. he said well done, thats all. i am sick of him. im sick of claire being my dads twin. i want to spend time with him, i want to actually know my own dad. i dont want to know claire. then everyone brings up james, that was different. i have spent my whole life with my mam. it really hurts me to say this, but james is more of a dad to me than my own dad will ever be. he hugs me when i cry, washes my knickers, cooks me food and provides a roof over my head. i get that my dad doesnt live with me, i get that he is essentally a weed end dad. but that doesnt mean that he has to give up on me. because its always me who phones him, its always me who asks where he is. im fed up of trying and not even getting a reaction. im sick of being 17 and not even knowing my own dad. most off all, im sick of my dad not having a voice.

i feel like because i havnt blogged for ages, i have so much to say and so little time. my anxiety took a funny turn, im okay but its just strange. i cant cross a road of the lights are already green. i have no clue when this started, it just happened. i feel like i can going to get ran over. i have to wait, and in carlisle you can see the problem. the fact that there is hundereds of traffic lights.

well i think this is enough for today. i feel better now i have some stuff off my chest.

love, anna x